His eyes tell It all (for a friend)

For some people love is kind, but it makes them blind. They are numb. They wish they could pay the price to see what hides behind their lovers lies. To them they fall in a hole trapping them to die where they lie. Not being able to destroy the ghost that knows the most. But to stay saine when you discover the worst. Your lover's eyes are gaining energy by stealing those smiles off your face. You walk slow wondering why he isn't what he was. The life he lives is not the way you imagined. But he spoke lie to lie. 

My dear friend....

You're back.... 

You were gone for far to long.

My laughs were short 

But now, you're back; I feel complete again! I thank the great man upstairs for sending you in my life! We both relate, we both laugh, and act the same! You have answered so many of my prayers. Thinking that maybe my prayers only made it to the attic; you came into my life and showed me that The Lord hears every prayer, and will answer it always!

I thought I had lost you. But I thank you for coming back to a ole friend like me!! 

Now let's continue planning out futures, and drawing out our perfect wedding! The more we talk about this; the more excited I get! I hope this will never end! 

Let's continue to dream, continue to laugh; let's continue to be as one! 

Because we were meant to be friends! 

Picture perfect <3

Hearts as one. Tears together, hugs tighter. Love growing. You and I forever. 

Never stop loving me the way you do today. Because if you did I'm sure my world would crack in two. Run to me.. And I'll run to you. 

Every time I'm with you I can't explain the feelings I recieve. You are my happiness. 

Let's never wake up; ok? Because I feel like the world is a giant nightmire while we live our lovley dream. Take my hand. NEVER let it go. 

As we lay on our backs using our fingers to connect the stars making out perfect life. I realize.... There's no reason for it. Because my life with you is already so perfect! 

Because I love you... 

Just & only you

You've pealed back the dead skin. You removed the black nail polish from my nails to discover something bright and colorful. You wiped away the make-up that ran down my face from the person that hurt me most. You held my  trembling hands just so I could feel peace. You unlocked my heart just so I could feel love. You pulled back my hair just so you could see my face. You joke around just to see my smile; that once was broken, but you hold the greatest first aid and you fixed me whole. Now we may have ups and downs, but you're the one who brings me back to life. 

Greater than the Tetons

I was scared to let another one come into my life; but you have shown me that not every person is the same as the last one that hurt me. The love you have shown me takes me to the moon and back; because that's how much I love you. Marriage use to scare me. Not knowing what the future held for me. But now, I can almost paint it on a canvas. We lay there in the tall green grass drawing our future in the stars above us. You hold me tight; and tell me you'll take care of me.  You hold my heart and I hold yours. Your actions remind me a lot about my best friend. I'm amazed that you find me beautiful without makeup on; because I tell myself other wise. I may be stubborn at times, but you always seem to whip out that patience. I always want to make you smile and laugh. That may be a reason why I'm a little weird at times. But know I do everything just for you! Because I really do love you! 

Prescribed

I lay in silence. I seem to dream of you in colors that don't exist. One thing runs through my mind and exits my mind as twenty different things. I have that same container sitting by my bed on that black nightstand everyday; holding those same pills my doctor said will help all of the monsters escape my head, To help those tears run down my face less often and to make my teeth more seen. But that container has an inch of dust upon it. I have put you through hell and back, I apologize. I'm in denial of being sad. But know you have made me happy, I just will sometimes have that rain cloud above my head. You may not understand why I'm like this but it runs in my blood. I wish that pill never came into my life, I wish I never had to be told by someone I was sad. I never wanted to believe him; but now I have to. Free these monsters that people call thoughts... 

A perfect harmony

I'm trying to follow you but when you stepped in that puddle of water your footprints have only gotten harder to see. I'm trying to keep up, but the wind is getting stronger and your voice is getting fainter. There seems to be that same brick wall that blocks me from becoming happy. That four way stop sign allows me only to go in one direction but my mind has gone all four. The flowers that are planted in front of my window only look black. But I'm back at that place where no one understands me; not even myself. The water builds up in my eyes and the tears drizzles down my face. Grab my hand and lead me to the tall green tree on top of the hill; engrave our initials in the thick bark. Sit me down and hold me tight... And never let go... Go after the ones that hurt me, love the ones that mean most to me. My heart may be chained up but I believe that you hold the key to open it up. Time is something I wear upon my wrist and when it's not there I'm lost. Time is all I need. Those familiar words I speak to you is the truth you know?.. I'm afraid of having that rock on my left hand. Growing to fast. That yellow light comes up and reminds me that slowing it down will save me. But every-time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise, no one compares to you... And I don't want to wake up from this tonight.. 

Sunrise don't sunset

My heart is guarded by those cheep green soldiers you buy in that big bucket. I was burnt till I couldn't take it anymore and the wax was poured on me till I fell down. Pillows seemed to be less soft, that 101 joke book seemed to be less funny. Ice cream seemed to be to cold, nights seemed to be more silent. But now the sun is shinning and it is brighter then ever. The warmth brings light to my path of loneliness. Those tight strong hugs take me to a place where I never want to leave. The past was were dark words would sneak out of my mind, but now lovely words are spilling out of my mouth. It's hard to write every single feeling out, but I hope you read this more than once, and you pick out something new each time. Because I'm glad I've been writing about you! 

Ride along loony

Walking side by side, feet walking to the same beat. Hands scraping against one another. The adventures we have gone on so far have been by far the greatest memories! You make it easy to smile, and laugh. Your laugh reminds me of a surfer on the California waves. The sun seems to be brighter whenever I'm with you. The pizza seems to be cheesier whenever I'm with you. The cold seems to be less cold whenever I'm with you. The music seems to be better whenever I'm with you. My jokes seem to make you laugh every time, though I think they are way dumb. Riding those rides where I am right next to you feels like home. This may be crazy, but it feels like we've known each other for multiple months now. My sky was full of just darkness. But you came in and now my sky is full of stars that twinkle and dance. The way I can see myself dancing on the edges of your eyelids. The way we can harmonize (or at least try). The way you grab my side to keep me close to you. The way your finger tips drizzle against my back like rain drops.  I could go on but the anticipation of being shot off to the sky is killing me. Crowds beneath our feets. They stand and stare as the word smile takes over my face. Our eyes meet and I grin and you ask why I made that face. Walking side by side, feet walking to the same beat. Hands scraping against one another.   

Scrapped knees, and animated bandaides

Counting the dots on the back of ladybugs to find out how old they are, is that true? I believed it. Finding the brightest sharpest crayon because I wasn't old enough to use pencils or markers. Being out past my bedtime which was 8 o'clock and thinking I was the coolest. Picking those dandelions in the grass because mom said "you can't pick the 'nice' flowers"..... but I did occasionally. Trying to do cool tricks on my scooter, but only hitting my ankle every time. Selling otter pops on the corner of the street by that stop sign to be able to earn a few bucks to buy that thing at the store that I've been wanting since that morning.. Laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds to find shapes, and point them out to my friend next to me. Playing Tag till my legs fell off because I was always the one who was it. Hearing the ice cream truck and chasing it with a pocket full of change. When I would pretend to smoke those candy cigarettes. When playing jump rope was actually fun. To the days when playing in the hose was like an water park. Not a care in the world. Take me back to when I was young again. Because I can remember when I dreamt my life and it was perfect! Take me back to my childhood. 

different but the same

Him: I wanted so badly to go lay down by her on the couch and just sleep. I totally lack the courage to do so. I can imagine all of this going right and me being right next to her. If I do this will she like it? Does she even want me? Do I even have a chance with her? As I lay there in my bed alone upstairs, my eyes don’t rest and neither does my mind. Regret…. I regret not going down there to tell her how I feel. Crazy… I’m crazy for her! Does she even feel what I feel?! My heart aches as these thoughts deteriorate my mind, I lay there with no chance at all… I pull the blanket over my head as tears run down my face… what’s going through her mind right now? Is it as messy as mine?

Her: As I lay on the couch I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, they stop. Now they are faint. Leaving room on the small couch I’m lying on, as my body stretches to take the room I left for “him” I start to think why didn’t he come down?... maybe my thoughts were wrong, maybe he doesn’t love me?... I pull the blanket over my head as tears run down my cheeks… what’s going through his mind right now? Is it as messy as mine?... 

speech not a poem

Life is given to you; the worst thing you can do is take it away from yourself... you deserve to live! Can I tell you a secret? The key to life is happiness... and if you don't have that you are digging yourself a hole that will be hard to get out of! Depression is real, and it sucks! You are not the only one that is experiencing this. Find your way to the light, stand out, help others, and live life to the fullest everyday! God has a plan... a plan that is so hard for us to understand; faith is something we need to have, because it is being tested everyday. Now you are reading this wondering why its not a poem... but I'm spilling out my thoughts on a paper, because suicide should not be a way out of life, people are here! You are not alone! If you act like you are ok, people don't know if you are needing someone... speak up! And together we will make a change! 

Live, Laugh, Kill

I laugh because you sit there and fill my ears with shit. I laugh because there is so much more to life then to grieve over you. I laugh because people are coming into my life and they make me happy! Thank you so much for showing me that I am so much better than you! You lie after lie, and you are now getting caught in them and I am laughing. I am done "following" you! I'm not that damn dog you are hoping to get out of me! I am so much stronger than you think I am! You think you know more of me than I know of myself! You confuse my mind with the negative things that crawl out of your mouth. I have written so many ways to kill you off...  I actually share them with a friend... the things you do make my hairs on my neck stand up...  The sun burns your face as my actions burn your heart; because this is my life and I will live it how "I" want to! I hope you will read this and it will feel like nails being shoved under your fingernails... because that would kill... just like how you killed me... It's my turn... Live, Laugh........ KILL..

The desert

Silence… scared…. Alone…. STRANDED…. I look around and see nothing but the same bush over and over again. As I walk my footprints follow behind me. The moon is coming out, and I can feel the breeze becoming colder and colder. Chills take over my body. My fingers tracing the moon’s silhouette. I try to scream… but nothing comes out…. The sound of silence takes over my thoughts, screaming going through my head, I fall to the ground grabbing my head with my mouth wide open, no sound escaping. STRANDED…. My mouth yearning for the taste of something moist… I’m alone… The stars twinkle above my head as if they are laughing at my stupidity. My fingernails collect sand underneath, like my head collecting thoughts. I’m stranded and I can’t do anything about it… help me… 

numb or alive

I sit numb, thoughts going through my mind cause that’s the only thing I can feel. Someday my pain will leave the existence of my body and leave just my bones lying there on nothing but shrubs of grass and dirt, just like how you did. I’m numb, I’m numb from feelings and emotions. Life is passing me and I don’t feel a thing. People are growing up and I can’t see a thing. I’m numb and you don’t even seem to care, but you tell me that we all hit dark spots in our lives, but I never expected it to feel like this… NUMB…. I’m numb because of what you did to me. I’m numb because you destroyed my heart, and you walked away like you just won in a game of black jack…. I’m numb and I don’t know where I am. My imagination is my escape, and even then I don’t know where I stand, it’s dark, and moist… I feel something.. I feel something!!! I feel something warm on my shoulder. My imagination starts to go wild, thinking this might be it! What if it’s you? What do I say? I love you?... could it be? I turn around and see nothing. This was my imagination…. I fall… sticks cracking as my weight hits them. Leaves breaking as my hands hit the ground….. I can’t feel…  I’m numb…. Am I stuck here?... 

One & Only

You're the one I want, you are sensitive, loving, caring, honest, virtuous, and funny. You smile when I'm frowning just so you can see me smile, you comfort me while tears roll down my face. You cook while I'm sick, you bring me flowers just to let me know that you love me. Your hugs could warm the room, but your kisses could light up world. You hold me in your arms tightly not wanting to let me go. You chase me around the bedroom just so you can kiss me on the neck cause you know it tickles me. You grab my waist when I'm being stubborn, you laugh at my stupid jokes doesn't matter what mood you are in. You love the dimple that's in my cheek, you call it " your kissing mark". Your fingertips trace my body as you whisper in my ear I love you. The way you hold my hand gives me the chills. As I look in the mirror, you come behind me and tell me I look beautiful "ALWAYS". You touch me with your words where your hands couldn't. I love you...

But I'm still looking for you. 

Dear mystery person

I realize I'm actually sad, but not wanting anyone to know that I am. I even hide it from myself, I don't like admitting it.. People think I am always happy... but "I'm Fine" hides so many lies, And I'm tired of lying.  Today I figured out that I need someone, someone to exchange secrets with, someone to eat ice cream with, someone to jam out to our favorite songs with, someone to hike to the top of the mountain to watch the sun rise, someone to drive with till the gas says empty, I need someone... I need that feeling of being happy again. I need to forget about what has happened, and move on. Though my feet may be in concrete I still have hope for getting out. I don't want to be someone who is alone, and sad all the time, I want to be outgoing, and dance in the shadow of the moon, I need someone, I need someone to laugh with, to create jokes with, to sit around and just talk with. You know that kind of person? The one you want to just be with everyday? Yea I want that. So could you please reach out for me? I'm not sure who you are... But I hope that you will grab my hand and let me know that being sad is not the answer, and maybe you can be this person? PLEASE BE MY FRIEND.  

Heart Pounding

My gut is aching, wrenching, knotting, and dying. I'm running away from the monsters, those monsters are us. Their long fingers reaching in my retinas, blinding me... I can't see, but all I know is that I'm running. The sun eating away at my back. My ears yearning to hear your voice, but the monsters are the only ones I can hear. As I peal my lips one layer at a time, memories seem to disappear. I seem to run to fast my mind gets behind, all I want is to stop running! But I'm surrounded by monsters, my head is exploding, my mind is over loaded. I seem to over think everything, that's because I'm a monster too. Save me from myself.. 

Little soul

I saw him, I see it in his eyes,  he's lost, sad, lonely. He sits there.... I walk by him everyday, I judge him. Today, I saw him in that spot, you know the spot where the concrete is cold, where people walk by and see nothing. He wears glasses, he hides. I see the way he ignores others because he's ignored by them. Today I saw his little soul, it was crying to me, grabbing at my skin and bones, reaching down my throat for attention. Though he showed none of that. I look up... I smiled, and he smiled back. I felt like I saved him from harming himself. That little soul needed attention, a simple smile calmed his hungry soul. instead of bleeding at his wrists he bled through his soul which reached out to me. Thank you lord for helping me sooth a little soul, that made a big difference.

Time

Days pass by slow, more and more I seem to get over the things I lost. But I can't stand the thought of me losing you. We fought, argued, smiled, cried, and laughed together. Those memories will be engraved in my head. As the words " I Love you" stain my teeth, because there wasn't a moment where "I love you" didn't  come out of my mouth. Time seemed to be the last of my worries, but now I can hear the second hand. I sit alone thinking... (maybe to much?)  wanting that rain to go back in the clouds, wanting my tears to go back into my body, wanting a rewind button. But time is my enemy, and it only seems to be getting worse. 

broken fingertips

There's empty spaces on my wall. I took those pictures down. I now know I mean nothing. That magnet that held it up is now weak. The eyes that saw them are now drowning. The hands that touched are now broken. The lungs that breathe, cannot breathe, because the water is filling up. My feet cannot reach the bottom, my hands can't reach the surface. I'm only dying. But you don't care... but I shouldn't be surprised. I don't exist to you anymore. Your promises mean nothing to me, it's all lies darling. Found that out the hard way.

my mind..

One day to be confused, one day to be unsure. We made promises. Our hands never touched again. Will I ever be good enough? We were in love. Now we walk by like nothing happened. My shoulder scraping against yours. But you feeling nothing. My trembling hands reaching for your love. But only finding darkness. Darkness.... Darkness.... I'm trying to get out of that. But I keep reaching... hoping I will find something precious. But I can't keep you from leaving. I remember I could see love in your eyes. Your love engraved in my wrists and my neck. I had a heart then.... Now I'm different..
 I find peace in my imagination. Space is to quite, and you want it to be like that. I looked for you. And only seemed to find the traces of your finger tips on someone else. Now my feet feel heavy, I drag them... I'm carrying sadness, and  no one knows whats going on in my messed up mind of mine.