different but the same

Him: I wanted so badly to go lay down by her on the couch and just sleep. I totally lack the courage to do so. I can imagine all of this going right and me being right next to her. If I do this will she like it? Does she even want me? Do I even have a chance with her? As I lay there in my bed alone upstairs, my eyes don’t rest and neither does my mind. Regret…. I regret not going down there to tell her how I feel. Crazy… I’m crazy for her! Does she even feel what I feel?! My heart aches as these thoughts deteriorate my mind, I lay there with no chance at all… I pull the blanket over my head as tears run down my face… what’s going through her mind right now? Is it as messy as mine?

Her: As I lay on the couch I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, they stop. Now they are faint. Leaving room on the small couch I’m lying on, as my body stretches to take the room I left for “him” I start to think why didn’t he come down?... maybe my thoughts were wrong, maybe he doesn’t love me?... I pull the blanket over my head as tears run down my cheeks… what’s going through his mind right now? Is it as messy as mine?... 

speech not a poem

Life is given to you; the worst thing you can do is take it away from yourself... you deserve to live! Can I tell you a secret? The key to life is happiness... and if you don't have that you are digging yourself a hole that will be hard to get out of! Depression is real, and it sucks! You are not the only one that is experiencing this. Find your way to the light, stand out, help others, and live life to the fullest everyday! God has a plan... a plan that is so hard for us to understand; faith is something we need to have, because it is being tested everyday. Now you are reading this wondering why its not a poem... but I'm spilling out my thoughts on a paper, because suicide should not be a way out of life, people are here! You are not alone! If you act like you are ok, people don't know if you are needing someone... speak up! And together we will make a change! 

Live, Laugh, Kill

I laugh because you sit there and fill my ears with shit. I laugh because there is so much more to life then to grieve over you. I laugh because people are coming into my life and they make me happy! Thank you so much for showing me that I am so much better than you! You lie after lie, and you are now getting caught in them and I am laughing. I am done "following" you! I'm not that damn dog you are hoping to get out of me! I am so much stronger than you think I am! You think you know more of me than I know of myself! You confuse my mind with the negative things that crawl out of your mouth. I have written so many ways to kill you off...  I actually share them with a friend... the things you do make my hairs on my neck stand up...  The sun burns your face as my actions burn your heart; because this is my life and I will live it how "I" want to! I hope you will read this and it will feel like nails being shoved under your fingernails... because that would kill... just like how you killed me... It's my turn... Live, Laugh........ KILL..

The desert

Silence… scared…. Alone…. STRANDED…. I look around and see nothing but the same bush over and over again. As I walk my footprints follow behind me. The moon is coming out, and I can feel the breeze becoming colder and colder. Chills take over my body. My fingers tracing the moon’s silhouette. I try to scream… but nothing comes out…. The sound of silence takes over my thoughts, screaming going through my head, I fall to the ground grabbing my head with my mouth wide open, no sound escaping. STRANDED…. My mouth yearning for the taste of something moist… I’m alone… The stars twinkle above my head as if they are laughing at my stupidity. My fingernails collect sand underneath, like my head collecting thoughts. I’m stranded and I can’t do anything about it… help me… 

numb or alive

I sit numb, thoughts going through my mind cause that’s the only thing I can feel. Someday my pain will leave the existence of my body and leave just my bones lying there on nothing but shrubs of grass and dirt, just like how you did. I’m numb, I’m numb from feelings and emotions. Life is passing me and I don’t feel a thing. People are growing up and I can’t see a thing. I’m numb and you don’t even seem to care, but you tell me that we all hit dark spots in our lives, but I never expected it to feel like this… NUMB…. I’m numb because of what you did to me. I’m numb because you destroyed my heart, and you walked away like you just won in a game of black jack…. I’m numb and I don’t know where I am. My imagination is my escape, and even then I don’t know where I stand, it’s dark, and moist… I feel something.. I feel something!!! I feel something warm on my shoulder. My imagination starts to go wild, thinking this might be it! What if it’s you? What do I say? I love you?... could it be? I turn around and see nothing. This was my imagination…. I fall… sticks cracking as my weight hits them. Leaves breaking as my hands hit the ground….. I can’t feel…  I’m numb…. Am I stuck here?...